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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Meah Schmeah's LiveJournal:

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Monday, May 12th, 2008
5:50 pm
Magnolia Meah

Today I finally went to talk to the people at Liberty about getting tattooed.  I've been kind of putting it off because some really heavily tattooed peple kind of intimidate me.  I was afraid they wouldn't take me seriously because I'm a little girl with no ink as of yet and I thought they would be a little judgmental of me coming in there being like, "I want flowers!"  Turns out is was really chill.  All they had me do was look at different artist's portfolios to kind of get a feel for the style I liked.  Since I've heard different things about some of the artists at Liberty I didn't even pay attention to the name on the portfolios, I just looked at their work so as not to get a biased view.  Turns out I ended up picking Keet because he had some samples of some really realistic looking flowers and branches.  Keet was recommended to me a few months back by my totally awesome yoga instructor Eric.  Keet also turned out to be a very awesome guy so it's no surprise to me that they've been friends for over 12 years.  It was really cool because Keet told me that he actually has a magnolia tree in his yard that just started blooming so he has a really good feel for what I want.  Also, after mentioning that I was one of Eric's students he said "A friend of Eric's is a friend of mine" so he didn't even make me put down a deposit.  I have a feeling that Eric really hooked me up nice on this one.  It's really great how good people like to help each other out.  I'm very happy, very excited, and a little bit nervous about getting tattooed, but so far it seems like it will be a pretty sweet experience.  If anything, it will take my mind of teacher training for a bit beause that seems to be all I can think about as of late.  Yay! 

Thursday, May 8th, 2008
8:39 am
It's Been a Long, Long Time
I told Caitlin I'd start posting on this thing again.  I don't have much to say today except... I'm going to the lake, I'm going to the lake!  It's going be so nice to get away for a minute and get some sun on my white, white skin.  Yay!
Monday, May 3rd, 2004
7:20 pm
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"prety late, but I always have trouble sleeping in unfamiliar" (that's from my written journal from last year, woot woot)

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?:
Ap Lang worksheets that i'm supposed to do over the summer

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
Dr. Phil... he was fixing marriage problems or something

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is:
5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
music from downstairs and my mom loading the dishwasher

7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?:
When I got out of the car after Sam dropped me off

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?:
colin and grant's live journals

9: What are you wearing?:
jeans that fit just right and a spring break t-shirt from 2 years ago and... PINK SNEAKERS

10: Did you dream last night?
i can't remember, sleeping pills make me forget dreams and i had a few

11:When did you last laugh?:
When Sam and I were talking about how Dr. Phil's wife had the worst marriage of any of the people he was counseling
"Now is that really the way you want to be talking to your spouse"

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?:
neon blue paint on 3 walls and squares in 5 different colors on the other wall

13: Seen anything weird lately?:
Well, i was at music midtown this weekend so... yes, Jack wrapped in a towel sleeping next to colin seemed pretty fucking weird

14: What do you think of this survey?:
Um.... my brain hurts, i want doughnuts

15: What is the last film you saw?:
part of Pulp Fiction but the last full film was... Titanic

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:
new clothes

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
well that depends on who you are... but i'll just say that... hell i don't know

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?:
i'd stop construction companies from building mroe bullshit

19: Do you like to dance?
only at the Parliament Funkadelic Concert

20: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
Sunshine? No.... i'd probably rename her every day for a few weeks until it felt right, i change my mind a lot so decisons like that take a while for me...

21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
same as above

22: Would you ever consider living abroad?:
Saturday, March 27th, 2004
5:20 pm
fuck you
No, Fuck You
written by David Benioff, from his novel

(Monty walks into the bathroom. He looks in the mirror. In the bottom corner, someone's written Fuck You!)
Monty: Yeah, fuck you, too.
Monty's Reflection: Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it.
Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back.
Fuck squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job!
Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores and stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. Slow the fuck down!
Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35.
Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English?
Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you fucking came from!
Fuck the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds!
Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for fucking life! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Imclone! Adelphia! Worldcom!
Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, because they make the Puerto Ricans look good.
Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, and their St. Anthony medallions. Swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos.
Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermés scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart!
Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take fives steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on!
Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust!
Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin Otisville, Jay!
Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Alqueda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal, Irish ass!
Fuck Jacob Elinski, whining malcontent.
Fuck Francis Xavier Slaughtery, my best friend, judging me while he stares at my girlfriend's ass.
Fuck Naturel Rivera. I gave her my trust and she stabbed me in the back. Sold me up the river. Fucking bitch.
Fuck my father with his endless grief, standing behind that bar. Sipping on club soda, selling whiskey to firemen and cheering the Bronx Bombers.
Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue. From the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it. Let the fires rage. Let it burn to fuckin ash then let the waters rise and submerge this whole, rat-infested place.
Monty: No. No, fuck you, Montgomery Brogan. You had it all and then you threw it away, you dumb fuck!
(He takes a breath and tries to rub away the words.)
1:39 pm
i toook that SAT bitch!
i just took the SAT
i was so damn nervous
hope i did okay
so glad it's over
got a letter form georgia state today
once they get my SAT scores
it wil be 4-6 weeks before i find out if i'm accepted or not
ahhhhh i think this is the first worth while thing i've attempted to do in a loooooooooong damn time
Wednesday, March 24th, 2004
8:17 pm
well well well it is lost
so i lost the big ********* as of two nights ago
turns out everything mal told me about it was exactly fucking right
in about two weeks i'm going to start flipping out
damn... i want to go back to two nights ago
or just last night
chem test tomorrow
chem seems to be the only challenge in my life
other than, you know getting over this whole inscecurity and frustration bullshit
SAT saturday
i should get an 1100 something
ahhhh i'm so scared
well that's my life as of now
Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
10:42 pm
wasting time? yes, i'm good at that
Name: Meah
Single or taken? pretty taken
Sex? female
Brithday: 4 8 88
Sign: Aries
Siblings? rob, 22 and charlie, 20
Hair Color: lightish brownishish
Eye Color: brown

1. Who is your best friend? Becca? Caitlin? Colin? Depends what sort of "best" friend
2. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Sam (a.k.a. "my schantzy")

Fashion Stuff
1. Where is your favourite place to shop? don't care as long as i actually have money
2. Tattoos or piercings? i have holes in my ears

1. Do you do drugs? not yet, and no i'm not planning to
2. What kind of shampoo do you use? Garnier Fructis
3. What are you most scared of? failure
4. What are you listening to right now? tiny dancer, elton john
5. Who is the last person that called you? Joyce
6. Where do you want to get married? on a dock at a pretty lake (mmmm... nature)
7. How many buddies are online right now? 10
8. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be? my fear of failure preventing me from trying anything worth while

1. Color: red
2. Pasta: tortellini
3. Boys names: i've always liked the name Harrison since i met him
4. Girls names: Mackenzie, Savannah (all the names of uncle buddy's friends children)
5. Subjects in school: Kingcaidster!!!!
6. Animals: kittens!!! (more specifically: my kitten)
7. Sports: wrestling, no i'm not kidding, you get kind of attached after a while

Have you ever...
1. Given anyone a bath or taken a bath with someone else? i don't suppose so
2. Smoked?: second hand?
3. Bungee jumped?: not yet
4. Made yourself throw up? sure haven't
5. Skinny dipped? why, yes!
6: Been in love? i sure hope so
7. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? what kind of trouble?
8. Pictured your crush naked? topless maybe, naked no
9. Actually seen your crush naked? who the hell doesn't use a towel?
10. Where'd 10 go? i don't care
11. Lied? a bit, but for good reason
12. fallen for your best friend? nope
13. Been rejected? haha, sucks don't it?
14. Rejected someone? on occasion

Final Questions
1. Do you like filling these out? when i feel the need to waste my life
5. Gold or silver? white gold :)
6. What was the last film you saw at the movies? Big Fish
7. Favourite cartoon? Rejected, Don Hertzfeldt is my hero
8. What did you have for breakfast this morning? nothing :( i missed my cinnamon raison bagel overflowing with strawberry cream cheese made specially for me by howard with a nice cup of sweet tea on the side
9. Who would you hate to be locked in a room with? my world history teacher
10. Who would you love being locked in a room with? my boyfriend man possibly? yeah, him :) (so long as he doesn't have a phone or a computer)
11. Could you live without your computer? not comfortably
12. Would you colour your hair? i have, but i'm not planning on making a habit of it
13. Could you ever get off the computer? if a thug like colin forced me to
14. Habla espanol? i should learn for my test tomorrow
15. How many people are on your buddy list? 30ish
16. Drink alcohol? nope
17. Like watching sunrises or sunsets? sunsets
18. What hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? emotional, though i haven't had too much physical, i'm pretty confident in saying they both suck

Clothes: ugly pajama pants and a pre school t-shirt with a cement truck on it
Taste: saliva?
Make-up: none
Hair: recently dried :)
Annoyance: teacher who don't like their jobs and lazy kids who make their jobs worse than they have to be
Favourite artist: oh shit, too many, currently... hell i don't even know that
Desktop picture: my brother's room mate on an oreo float in the middle of the lake being drunk and obnoxious
Book you're reading: Angels and Demons by Dan Brown

Last Person
You touched: Sam
You talked to: the Sams
Hugged: Sam
You miss? Sam, hehe wow... that was repetitive

Are You...
-Understanding: not nearly enough
-Open-minded: i try to be
-Insecure: extremely so
-Interesting: to some, but it takes a while
-Random: my noises are
-Hungry: kind of, i want a bagel
-Smart: according to some
-Moody: hehe, yes
-Childish: ohyeah
-Organized: most of the time
-Healthy: about average for a teenager
-Shy: oh yes
-Difficult: i can be, but not nearly as much as i used to be
-Bored easily: yes
-Messy: only in my room
-Responsible: i'd like to think so
-Obsessed: with what?
-Angry: frustrated
-Sad: not as much as i used to be
-Happy: when i'm with certain people
-Hyper: on occasion
-Trusting: not especially
-Talkative: once you get me started

Who do you wanna...
-Kill: my spanish teacher
-Slap: i'm not violent... i just kill
-Look like: myself?
-Talk to offline: Sam...
-Talk to online: no one really

-In the morning: i feel like i'm going to die in colin's car
-Love is: like nothing else
-I dream about: the future

Which is Better?
-Coke or pepsi: neither
-flowers or candy: cards?
-Tall or short: why does it matter? tall for my man friends though

Opposite Sex
-What do you notice first: if they notice me
-Last person you slow danced with: um... almost Geoff but before that... damn... Greg Chasez at homecoming freshman year?
-Worst question to ask: when are you getting married? i asked my mom that in 8th grade and the answer was no good
-Who makes you laugh the most: my mom a lot of the time, but if not her then becca or colin
-Who makes you smile: Sam :)
-Who do you have a crush on: i wonder
-Who has a crush on you: not quite sure...
-Who is easiest to talk to: recently, colin
Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
10:10 pm
what an emotionally draining weekend
but today turned out good
things that i have learned over the past few days
(1) Colin and i are better friends than i thought and he has better icecream than the school does
(2) My relationship with Sam is more complicated than i thought but i belived we have worked things out
(3) Fear is a scary little fucker
Okay fuck all this "learning lessons" bullshit
this weekend i was hurt mroe than i've been in a long time
and it changed my perspective on a lot of things
and helped me to realize a lot of what i'm not ready for
but one thing i now know which i kind of did before
is that a lot of my doubts in the relationship weren't riduculous
and even if they were a mahor problem for a few days there
he has succeeded in showing me that he is sincere and i hope i can do the same
i was so afraid this weekend
and i still am
just in a completely different way
i wasn't ready for it to end
i still won't be when this summer comes around
but atleast he'll be leaving me because he has to
not because i fucked things up
yeah and since i only seem to talk to mallory during times of crisis she told me something interesting
your heart only breaks once
what she means is that him leaving for college won't hurt as much as this weekend did
because my heart broke this weekend
and it changed a lot of things
and because of those changes it won't be able to break again
who knows if it's true or not
but i'd like to think so
i hung out with sam after school today
but i still came home early to read some modern day fairy tales
step #1 in not making him the center of my life
wow wow wow i really like us together
but i'm confident in saying that i like me without him to
and i like that a lot
as for what colin did for me yesterday and as for what caitlin would have been willing to do
i don't even know what to say
people don't typically put their lives on hold to watch me mope around like that
i know it was a pathetic sight
but if you can be my friend and see me like that
then i guess that means you can handle me no matter what
friendship is a good thing
so are relationships
i'm glad i have both
i'm starting to get sappy
i better stop
Sunday, February 8th, 2004
9:52 pm
changes need to made and they will be, slowly but they will
i deleted rainbowsquad yesterday
i don't think i will regret it
i apologize to everyone who participated
but as members of GSA that was so hypocritical of us
and i'm going to be nice to jack again
there was a time when i genuinely liked him
and he still genuinely cares about me
people need friends like that
same goes with caitlin
we need to work things out and we will
i have no doubt
as for sam
i don't know
things with us are quite something
i couldn't describe it if i tried
i don't know what to do
i need an identity without him
but i've gotten so used to having him around
he's my sam
and i love saying that
i don't know
i need to make many changes
i need to go back to some of the old
and keep some of the new
i can achieve a nice balance
and it will be good
i'm tired
study study study
is what i'm about to do
Saturday, February 7th, 2004
2:46 pm
Saturday, January 24th, 2004
11:52 pm
i'm at caitlin's house!
i haven't slept over anywhere in a long damn time
we talked a lot tonight
and watched the babysitters club
tomorrow i catch up in school
everyone telling me i'm going to do bad is going to make me do bad
when everyone encouraged me at the beginning of the year i did good
i need some of that again
just a thought
12:36 am
the thoughts of a meah
sometimes i wonder if emotion is even real
or if it's just what we think is the obvious reaction to an event
i could word that better
but it makes sense to me
and since this is my journal that's all that matters
i'll write more on this topic later
i need to write again
i need to do a lot of things again
12:05 am
exactly what's on my mind at the moment!
i'm spending a bit too much time with sam
which is good and bad
when i'm with him i'm the happiest person ever
when i have to leave him i'm not
i feel like i have a life for a change
but i think my grades might be dropping
i need to figure something out
because i'm having extreme moods wings lately
and i seem to be the only one aware of them
which is good because i don't want every single person to know everything that goes on in my mind
i just need to come up with a nice routine like i had last semester
and everything will work out
the world's not falling apart because of me
so i need to stop acting like it is
at least in my head anyways
on another note
after fishing for octopi and kids with gummy worms tonight
colin came back to my house
we didn't turn on the tv or anything
we just sat and chatted for a good hour and so
and it was nice
i haven't had a conversation that felt so real in a long time
which reminds me
i kind of want to go back to the days when me and sam first started hanging out
and we'd sit in the coffee shop and talk for hours
and instead of giving each other goofy looks to be cute we would actually say intelligent things
i want to do that some again
i want to feel smart again
i've been happy lately
and for some reason when i'm happy i feel dumb
which makes me sad
so i don't really know what i am lately
told you i was having mood swings!
i need to figure my thoughts out
and in order to do that i need to sleep
yeah sleep is good
and that's what i'm going to do
i feel really guilty that i'm about to sleep and colin's walking home in the cold...
wow that's a depressing way to end this
but it's the only way i've got
Monday, January 19th, 2004
11:58 am
i'm so wronged... haha
Your soul is bound to the Rose Petals: The

"'ve come undone and all hopes of mending
me are gone because the pain took my soul.
Can't you see? The only one who can put me
back together again is me."

The Rose Petals are associated with sorrow,
reflection, and wisdom. They are governed by
the goddess Persephone and their sign is The
Teardrop, or Broken Love.

As a Rose Petal, you are always self-reflective and
may be hard on yourself. You probably have
been hurt in the past by other people and can
sometimes distance yourself, as a result. You
don't usually let other get too close to you,
but you are very good at mending your spirits
back together by yourself.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla
11:28 am
i'm copying colin and caitlin! yay me!
Which Eddie Izzard line are you?

brought to you by Quizilla

hmm... not sure what this tells me about myself
i'm not even from europe!
but i love the transvestite comedian!
i do i do i do-ooo-oo

Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

i don't know if i'd have picked that for myself, but okay...
i do think about the past a lot
and i am kind of hard on myself
but... i'm not completely depressing
oh well
Thursday, January 15th, 2004
11:44 pm
i love my nap time! i do i do i do-oooo!
hmmm i talk about sam too much
so i'm going to do it again
we napped together today
and it made me very happy
i'm not going to get to see too much of him this weekend due to debate and wrestling
oh well
today was good at least
Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
11:14 pm
i succeeded in my rebellion! go me!
wow that was the quickest rebellion ever
i didn't time it, but i believe it was probably about 4-6 minutes
but it was a glorious 4-6 minutes of rebellion
and i didn't get caught!
go me!
10:54 pm
i'm a rebel! i swear i am!
it's 10:54
and sam's about to stop by to "say hello"
my mommy doesn't know he's coming
and i'm going to be all secretive and not tell her
and colin says i can't be a rebel just because i skipped homeroom WITH PERMISSION
i'll be a rebel
i will, i will
okay, no i won't
Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
10:10 pm
awwwwwwww young lust, OUR LOVE IS PURE!!!!!!
sam came over for dinner tonight as i was awaking from my slumber
my hair was all messed up and i was wearing pajamas but it was okay because i don't worry about silly things like that around him
before we went to the coffee shop i had to do some homework
he just sat across the table from me for about half an hour and played with the kitten
i kept looking up at him and it made me so happy
it was just nice to be doing something completely boring but still have someone there with me
he makes me feel so special
4:48 pm
why am i writing this when i can't even keep my eyes open?
i'm tired as hell
i think i'm going to go sleep for a while now
yeah... sleep would be nice
real nice
my eyes kept getting tears in them today cause i was trying to keep from closing them
and then randomly my head would fall on the desk
and then i'd get up and start sniffling because my nose is runny and sick
and then people would be like "why are you crying?"
and i'd be like "i'm not! i just don't sleep!!!"
anyways... before getting to my nap i must make a few comments
1) i saw becca last night and it made me very very very happy because she's damn cool and even though i've met lots of new people this year she's still becca and they're kind of not
2) colin drove me home today and i kind of enjoyed it because i talk better when i'm not surrounded by a bunch of people i don't know very well
3) i skipped homeroom today!!! with permission... so i'm not really a whole bad ass. i'm more like an ass cheek that happens to be slightly rebellious
4) sam wore a suit today and some people asked me why he was wearing it, they're silly because it's not like i know what's going on in his head when he gets dressed in the morning but they assume that since i'm his girlfriend i should know these things, but i don't! arghh!
5) i miss doing laps with nicole
6) i got nothing
7) the other colin (niloc) just made me want a cookie really bad so i'm going to go search for one now and THEN i'll nap
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